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Thought I’d share with you some of my favorite wedding readings I’ve compiled over the past few years.

BY: CARL SANDBURG
I love you for what you are, but I love you yet more for what you are going to be. I love you not so much for your realities as for your ideals. I pray for your desires that they may be great, rather than for your satisfactions, which may be so hazardously little. A satisfied flower is one whose petals are about to fall. The most beautiful rose is one hardly more than a bud wherein the pangs and ecstasies of desires are working for larger and finer growth. Not always shall you be what you are now. You are going forward toward something great. I am on the way with you and therefore I love you.
Happiness in Marriage
Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens. A good marriage must be created. In the art of marriage, the little things are big things… It is never being too old to hold hands. It is remembering to say “I love you” at least once a day. It is never going to sleep angry. It is at no time taking the other for granted; the courtship shouldn’t end with the honeymoon, it should continue through all the years. It is having a mutual that gathers in the whole family. It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy. It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways. It is not expecting the husband to wear a halo and the wife to have wings. It is not looking for perfection in each other. It is cultivating sense of values and common objectives; it is standing together to face the world. It is forming a circle of love flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humor. It is having the capacity to forgive and forget. It is in giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow. It is finding room for things of the spirit. It is a common search for the good and the beautiful. It is in establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, the dependence is mutual and the obligation in reciprocal. It is not only marrying the right partner, it is in being the right partner. 


James Dillet Freeman
May your marriage bring you all the exquisite excitements a marriage should bring. And may life grant you also patience, tolerance, and understanding. May you always need one another – not so much to fill your emptiness as to help you know your fullness. A mountain needs a valley to be complete; the valley does not make the mountain less; but more and the valley is more because the mountain is towering over it. May you need one another, but not out of weakness. May you want one another, but not out of lack. May you entice one another, but not compel one another. My you embrace one another, but not encircle one another. May you succeed in all important ways with one another, and not fail in the little graces. May you look for things to praise, often say, “I love you,” and take no notice of small faults. If you have quarrels that push you apart, may both of you hope to have the good sense to take the first step back. May you enter into the mystery which is the awareness of one another’s presence – no more physical than spiritual, warm and near when you are side by side, warm and near when you are in separate rooms or even in distant cities. May you have happiness, and may you find it making one another happy. May you have love, and may you find it in loving one another.

From The Art of a Good Marriage by Wilferd Arlan Peterson
A good marriage must be created.
In marriage the “little” things are the big things.
It is never being too old to hold hands.
It is remembering to say, ”I love you” at least once a day.
It is never going to sleep angry.
It is having a mutual sense of values, and common objectives.
It is standing together and facing the world.
It is forming a circle that gathers in the whole family.
It is speaking words of appreciation, and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.
It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.
It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.
It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.
It is not only marrying the right person — it is being the right partner.
From Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke
The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. A merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development. But once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky
Love by Roy Croft
I love you
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.
I love you,
Not only for what
You have made of yourself,
But for what
You are making of me.
I love you
For the part of me
That you bring out;
I love you
For putting your hand
Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over
All the foolish, weak things
That you can’t help
Dimly seeing there,
And for drawing out
Into the light
All the beautiful belongings
That no one else had looked
Quite far enough to find
I love you because you
Are helping me to make
Of the lumber of my life
Not a tavern
But a temple.
Out of the works
Of my every day
Not a reproach
But a song.
I love you
Because you have done
More than any creed
Could have done
To make me good.
And more than any fate
Could have done
To make me happy.
You have done it
Without a touch,
Without a word,
Without a sign.
You have done it
By being yourself.
Perhaps that is what
Being a friend means,
After all.

WHY MARRIAGE? BY MARI NICHOLS
Because to the depths of me, I long to love one person,
with all my heart, my soul, my mind, my body…
Because I need a forever friend to trust with the intimacies of me,
who won’t hold them against me, who loves me when I’m unlikable,
who sees the small child in me, and who looks for the divine potential of me…
Because I need to cuddle in the warmth of the night
with someone who thanks God for me,
with someone I feel blessed to hold…
Because marriage means opportunity to grow in love in friendship…
Because marriage is a discipline to be added to a list of achievements…
Because marriages do not fail, people fail when they enter into marriage
expecting another to make them whole…
Because, knowing this, I promise myself to take full responsibility for
my spiritual, mental and physical wholeness I create me,
I take half of the responsibility for my marriage together we create our marriage…
Because with this understanding the possibilities are limitless.
Because to the depths of me, I long to love one person, with all my heart, my soul, my mind, my body… Because I need a forever friend to trust with the intimacies of me, who won’t hold them against me, who loves me when I’m unlikable, who sees the small child in me, and who looks for the divine potential of me… Because I need to cuddle in the warmth of the night with someone who thanks God for me, with someone I feel blessed to hold… Because marriage means opportunity to grow in love in friendship… Because marriage is a discipline to be added to a list of achievements… Because marriages do not fail, people fail when they enter into marriage expecting another to make them whole… Because, knowing this, I promise myself to take full responsibility for my spiritual, mental and physical wholeness I create me, I take half of the responsibility for my marriage together we create our marriage… Because with this understanding the possibilities are limitless.

THE KEY TO LOVE
The key to love is understanding…
the ability to comprehend not only the spoken word,
but those unspoken gestures, the little things that say so much by themselves.
The key to love is forgiveness…
to accept each other’s faults and pardon mistakes,
without forgetting, but with remembering what you learn from them.
The key to love is sharing…
facing your good fortunes as well as the bad, together, both conquering problems,
forever searching for ways to intensify your happiness.
The key to love is giving…
without thought of return, but with the hope of just a simple smile,
and by giving in but never giving up.
The key to love is respect…
realizing that you are two separate people, with different ideas;
that you don’t belong to each other,
that you belong with each other, and share a mutual bond.
The key to love is inside us all…
It takes time and patience to unlock all the ingredients
that will take you to its threshold,
it is the continual learning process that demands a lot of work,
but the rewards are more than worth the effort –
and that is the key to love.
Apache Marriage Blessing
Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be the shelter for each other.
Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be the warmth for the other.
Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you.
May beauty surround you both in the journey ahead and through all the years.
May happiness be your companion and your days together be good and long upon the earth.
Treat yourselves and each other with respect, and remind yourselves often of what brought you together.
Give the highest priority to the tenderness, gentleness and kindness that your connection deserves.
When frustration, difficulty and fear assail your relationship – as they threaten all relationships at one time or another – remember to focus on what is right between you, not only the part which seems wrong.
In this way, you can ride out the storms when clouds hide the face of the sun in your lives – remembering that even if you lose sight of it for a moment, the sun is still there.
And if each of you takes responsibility for the quality of your life together, it will be marked by abundance and delight.

What is Love?
by Susan Polis Schutz
Love is the strongest feeling known
an all -encompassing passion
an extreme strength
an overwhelming excitement.
Love is trying not to hurt the other person
trying not to change the other person
trying not to dominate the other person
trying not to deceive the other person
Love is understanding each other
listening to each other
supporting each other
having fun with each other.
Love is not an excuse to stop growing
not an excuse to stop making yourself better
not an excuse to lessen one’s goals
not an excuse to take the other person for granted
Love is being completely honest with each other
finding dreams to share
working towards common goals
sharing responsibilities equally.
Love is the reason for life.

Anne Morrow Lindburgh:
“When you love someone you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. The only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity, in freedom, in the sense that dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.
The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or
expecting, not in hoping even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking
back to what was in nostalgia, nor forward to what might be in dread or
anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now.
One must accept the security of the winged life, of ebb and flow, of
intermittency.”

Blessings For A Marriage
~ James Dillet Freeman ~
May your marriage bring you all the exquisite excitements a marriage should bring, and may life grant you also patience, tolerance, and understanding.
May you always need one another – not so much to fill your emptiness as to
help you to know your fullness. A mountain needs a valley to be complete;
the valley does not make the mountain less, but more; and the valley is more
a valley because it has a mountain towering over it.
So let it be with you and you.
May you need one another, but not out of weakness.
May you want one another, but not out of lack.
May you entice one another, but not compel one another.
May you embrace one another, but not out encircle one another.
May you succeed in all important ways with one another, and not fail in the
little graces.
May you look for things to praise, often say, “I love you!” and take no notice
of small faults.
If you have quarrels that push you apart, may both of you hope to have good
sense enough to take the first step back.
May you enter into the mystery, which is the awareness of one another’s
presence – no more physical than spiritual, warm and near when you are
side-by-side, and warm and near when you are in separate rooms or even
distant cities. May you have happiness, and may you find it making one
another happy.
May you have love, and may you find it loving one another.

What Is Love~
Author Unknown ~
Sooner or later we begin to understand that love is more than verses on valentines and romance in the movies. We begin to know that love is here and now, real and true, the most important thing in our lives. For love is the creator of our favorite memories and the foundation of our fondest dreams.
Love is a promise that is always kept, a fortune that can never be spent, a seed that can flourish in even the most unlikely of places. And this radiance that never fades, this mysterious and magical joy, is the greatest treasure of all – one known only by those who love.

True Love – Author Unknown
True love is a sacred flame
That burns eternally,
And none can dim its special glow
Or change its destiny.
True love speaks in tender tones
And hears with gentle ear,
True love gives with open heart
And true love conquers fear.
True love makes no harsh demands
It neither rules nor binds,
And true love holds with gentle hands
The hearts that it entwines.

Celtic Wedding Blessing
May your mornings bring joy and your evenings bring peace.
May your troubles grow few as your blessings increase.
Be no worse than the happiest day of your past.
May your hands be forever clasped in friendship
And your hearts joined forever in love.
Your lives are very special,
God has touched you in many ways.
May his blessings rest upon you
And fill all your coming days.

A Good Wedding Cake
Author Unknown
4 lb. of love.
1 lb. butter of youth.
1/2 lb. of good looks.
l lb. sweet temper.
1 lb. of blindness for faults.
1 lb. of self forgetfulness.
l lb. of pounded wit.
l lb. of good humour.
2 tablespoons of sweet argument.
1 pint of rippling laughter.
1 wine glass of common sense.
1 oz. modesty.

Put the love, good looks and sweet temper into a well furnished house. Beat
the butter of youth to a cream, and mix well together with the blindness of
faults. Stir the pounded wit and good humor into the sweet argument, then
add the rippling laughter and common sense. Work the whole together until
everything is well mixed, and bake gently forever.
“It Comes From the Heart”
It’s the kiss goodnight
Whether you know it or not.
The time we spend, together or apart
Our bond we share gives more each day.
It’s a learning curve that is paved along the way.
And, it comes from the heart!

Our time in this life is time to be shared
Together we can build happiness uncompared.
From the love in your touch, or the concern on your face,
It demands the attention of all time and space.
And, it comes from the heart!

Memories are made through moments in life,
And each one with you, makes the path more precise.
Your love for me, makes me a better man.
It’s that love that you will have until the end.
And, it comes from the heart!

By James Robert Lillard

How true that the best laid plans often go astray. However, when I think of that quote in regards to weddings, I don’t think it’s necessarily negative. Rather, it just shows the human side of life and fragility as is the case with marriage.
So, as I look back upon my 2010 weddings, I’d like to first thank all my couples for their unwavering trust in me. And here are some of the wackier moments or human side of my 2010 weddings . ..
**It was such a sweltering hot summer day, that by the time the butterflies were released toward the end of the ceremony, they had actually expired and gone to butterfly heaven.
**Though I warned a couple against having a unity ritual outdoors, they choose to have it anyway. The breeze was a blowing throughout the ceremony and the candles – — well it’s not hard to imagine
**I had a big speech explaining a picture that meant so much to the couple – it was even their wedding theme. The picture was supposed to be on the table by the alter for me to explain. But it never made it, so I turned the speech into “imagine” that the picture . . ..
***A small wedding in a public park. We all pulled our cars up along the side of the road for a short and sweet ceremony. Midway through, the bride saw a policeman ticketing our cars. There was no sign that we couldn’t park, but I guess it wasn’t a parking lot. So in the middle of the ceremony, the bride left, went running down to the police officer to explain the situation, and he let it go. But he did say to hurry it up.
So here’s to all my 2010 ceremonies. Looking forward to another great year in 2011.

It’s the winter wedding season slowdown (I am enjoying  my extra free time) so  I’m now catching up on some of my fall wedding ceremonies . I recently married one charming couple, Rachel and Malachi, at The Seasons in Washington Township. Rachel and Malachi were actually childhood sweethearts who attended the same high school. They wanted a spiritual ceremony with some elements from their backgrounds– the bride was Jewish and the groom was not a big believer of standard religion, but spiritual by nature.

In honor or Rachel’s Jewish background, there were two elements:   a beautiful flower chuppah was set up at the alter and I read a modern version of the Seven Blessings which the couple had picked out. It went like this:

-May your marriage be as sweet as the fruit of the vine.

-May you work together to build a relationship of substance and quality.

-May the honesty of your communication build a foundation of understanding, connection and trust.

-May you respect each other’s individual personality and philosophy, and give each other room to grow and fulfill each other’s dreams.

-May your sense of humor and playful spirit continue to enliven your relationship.

-May you understand that neither of you is perfect: you are both subject to human frailties; and may your love strengthen when you fall short of each other’s expectations.

-May you be ‘best friends,’ better together than either of you are apart.”

We also did a Unity Candle lighting. And of course, the typical vows and ring exchange.

Congrats to them both and may they live happily ever after!!

This Halloween on 10-31, I married a lovely couple, Romi and Veronica at The Royal Manor in Garfield NJ. They wanted an interfaith wedding, as Romi is Jewish and Veronica is Catholic. To incorporate both religions, we included a unity candle ritual for Veronica and the breaking of the glass and the Seven Blessings as part of the Jewish tradition.

For the Unity Candle lighting, here’s the wording I used:

Now, Veronica and Romi will commemorate their marriage by the lighting a Unity Candle.

Light is the essence of our existence. Each one of us possesses an inner glow that represents our hopes, our dreams and aspirations in life.  Romi and Veronica, the two distinct candles represent your lives before this day, individual, unique and special. Please take the candle symbolizing your life before today and light it, then together light the center candle to symbolize the union of your individual lives (they light the candles). As this new flame burns undivided, so shall your lives now be one. From now on your thoughts will always be for each other rather than just your individual selves. Your plans will be mutual, your joys and sorrows both will be shared alike. Although you are now entering into a marriage relationship, you do not, however, lose your personal identity. Rather, you will use your special individuality to create and strengthen the relationship of marriage. Therefore all three candles remain glowing. The individual candles represent all that makes each of you the wonderful and unique person the other admires and respects. The Unity candle in the center symbolizes the union of your lives, families, and friends, as well as your shining commitment to each other, and to a lasting and loving marriage.

The guests were invited to come dressed in Halloween costumes, which some did. After the ceremony, Romi and Veronica slipped into their costumes too.

A big thanks to this special couple for letting me part of their wedding ceremony and may they have many many years of happiness.

It’s been a hectic summer, so am now just catching up on some of the weddings I had the privilege of performing. On a very hot August I did a wedding for Maria and Jared. Both were school teachers when they met and they wanted a civil ceremony to reflect their love and commitment to each other.
Rather than a traditional love story about how they met and events leading up to their engagement, I read the following the poem called “LOVE” by Roy Croft and explained why the poem typified their relationship.
I love you
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.
I love you,
Not only for what
You have made of yourself,
But for what
You are making of me.
I love you
For the part of me
That you bring out;
I love you
For putting your hand
Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over
All the foolish, weak things
That you can’t help
Dimly seeing there,
And for drawing out
Into the light
All the beautiful belongings
That no one else had looked
Quite far enough to find
I love you because you
Are helping me to make
Of the lumber of my life
Not a tavern
But a temple.
Out of the works
Of my every day
Not a reproach
But a song.
I love you
Because you have done
More than any creed
Could have done
To make me good.
And more than any fate
Could have done
To make me happy.
You have done it
Without a touch,
Without a word,
Without a sign.
You have done it
By being yourself.
Perhaps that is what
Being a friend means,
After all.

At the end of the ceremony, we had a butterfly release to honor their deceased grandparents. It went like this:
“In their honor, Maria and Jared have chosen to release butterflies to the sky. Butterflies – a gift to behold – lovely, but like life, so fragile. As the butterflies are released, we know that in their flight to Heaven, they will act as messengers to tell their grandparents of the happiness and love that Maria and Jared have found in each other. Will the butterflies please be released as we take a moment of silence to remember them with love? “
All in all, it was a very touch and beautiful ceremony.

Kelly and Lou were married on a crisp late summer evening at the beautiful Skylands in Randolph, NJ.

All love stories are beautiful and each has their own unique quality; but Kelly and Lou’s was particularly touching and there was not a dry eye in the audience (including myself) when I unfolded their love story and the unexpected obstacles they had overcome to their point in marriage.
In honor of the bride’s Irish heritage, they had a bagpiper, playing for the recessional.
We had a remembrance ceremony for Kelly’s deceased grandmother. Particularly touching was a tiny picture of her grandmother that Kelly carried in her bouquet.

Kelly likes to write poetry, so instead of the usual vows, she read of one her poems as her vow to Lou. It was very beautiful.

One of the readings was a poem by E.E. Cummings entitled “Somewhere I have never travelled, gladly beyond.” It goes like this:

Somewhere I have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
In your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
Or which I cannot touch because they are too near

Your slightest look easily will unclose me
Though I have closed myself as fingers,
You open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully, mysteriously) her first rose

Or if your wish be to close me, I and
My life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
As when the heart of this flower imagines
The snow carefully everywhere descending;

Nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
The power of your intense fragility: whose texture
Compels me with the color of its countries,
Rendering death and forever with each breathing

(I do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
Nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands

All in all, it was a very beautiful and emotional ceremony, one which I’ll never forget.

I recently had the privilege of marrying Michele and Walter at the Oyster Point Hotel in Red Bank, NJ on a clear, but very hot and steamy summer day (it’s July and in NJ, so what else do you expect for the weather). Luckily, the ceremony was held indoors but overlooking the beautiful NJ shore, so we had the best of both worlds.

The bride and groom are both teachers and met at a teacher’s workshop. To honor both their religions, we included a unity candle lighting as well as the breaking of the glass for the Jewish tradition.  We also had the traditional vows, exchange of rings, as well as a remembrance ceremony for their loved ones. They choose the following vows:

I,          , take you,       , to be my wife/husband, my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish our friendship and love you today, tomorrow, and forever. I will trust you and honor you. I will laugh with you and cry with you. I will love you faithfully, through sickness and health. Whatever may come our way, I will always be there. As I have given you my hand to hold, so too I give you my life to keep.

Michele and Walter, it was such a pleasure working with you to create your ceremony. Thank you for letting me be a part of your celebration.

I recently had the honor of performing a marriage for a beautiful couple. I tied the knot for Danielle and Joseph at the Silas Condict Park in Kinnelon, NJ. It was a beautiful day, although a bit on the steamy side, but that’s summer. We were right near a lake and in the Irish tradition, all the guests were given tiny stones to throw in the water at the ceremony’s conclusion. I explained it like this:
Before we proceed, I’d like to tell you about the stones you were each given as you came in. In many parts of Ireland weddings were often performed at the side of a lake or other body of water. In celebration, pebbles found on the water’s edge were often tossed into the water at the conclusion of the ceremony, to wish the couple well. The spreading circle each stone created represented the couple’s growing love. The intermingling waves demonstrated the effect this union would have on their friends and families. The transient nature of these ripples reminding us to be present in each moment together we are fortunate enough to share. At the ceremony’s conclusion please join our couple in this tradition and wish them happiness in their new life together.

We started with their love story, then went into the traditional statement of intent, vows, and ring exchange. And I concluded by reciting the following Irish Blessing:
May the flowers always line your path
And sunrise light your day,
May songbirds serenade you,
Every step along the way,
May a rainbow run beside you,
In a sky that’s always blue,
And may happiness fill your heart,
Each day your whole life through.
It was such a happy time for all. Congrats to my newest bride and groom and may you have many happy years together.

I had the honor of marrying Pamela and Arafat on a beautiful Saturday afternoon in May at the Brook Branch Park in Newark, NJ.  It was a simple and informal affair but quite beautiful and filled with love.

Some close friends attended, the sun was shining, and a gentle breeze filled the air. After a short introduction, the couple said their vows and exchanged rings.

All told, it was a wonderful ceremony for two people in love. Pamela and Arafat, I wish you many many years of happiness together.

Remember, this is your wedding and what will set your ceremony apart from all others is incorporating your own personal beliefs and values. So it’s your time and privilege to be as creative, romantic, or sentimental as you wish. Here are some of the ideas and suggestions I sometimes give to my clients.
1. After the bride comes down the aisle, but just before taking her place beside the groom, she could pause and present both her mother and her soon-to-be mother-in-law with special trinket such as a rose or a lace handkerchief embroidered with the wedding date and initials of the bride and groom
2. Include special rituals and moments in your ceremony. For instance, consider a blessing of the parents or other dear family members, drinking of the wine/breaking the glass, a great moment of humor, offering a family medallion to children or having your beloved pooch be your “best dog.”
3. Include children or mention them if you are blending two families. Have your child(ren) sign the wedding certificate along with your witnesses.
4. Mention a family member who has passed and honor their memory.
5. Have all parents stand to be recognized at the time the Bride is presented to the groom.
6. Consider facing your guests instead of each other.
7. Have a close family member or friend read a poem during the ceremony.
8. There’s nothing more romantic than being married by candlelight!

The possibilities are as endless as your imagination!!